Thursday, March 31, 2016

...To Not Go There

Everyone should be sympathetic to other people's problems. Right? To be able to put themselves in other people's shoes. My problem is that I don't just try on the shoes. I wear them around for days at a time. I wallow in those shoes until they form to fit my own feet. They become my shoes. Their problems become my problems. And they can be stranger's shoes. People I've never met. I don't even have to know their name. This is why I can't watch the news.

When you hear of a local tragedy, someone losing a loved one, someone going through a personal crisis, it is normal to feel bad for them. It's called being kind. Human. That's not enough for me. I have to take it one step forward. I will sit and imagine what it must have been like to experience it. What they saw. What they felt. Playing out a little movie in my head. Making up scenes of what I think must have happened.The crazy thing is I feel like I owe that to them. It's the least I could do. These poor people had to actually live through this horrible nightmare, the least I could do is make myself sick over it. Maybe that is rather normal when it is your neighbor or a relative or a friend. But for a faceless stranger who lives on the other side of the planet? My therapist has said to me "What are you going to do? Leave your own children and family to move to Africa and volunteer there?". Well obviously not. That's just crazy talk. So, no CNN for me. Or FOX for that matter, although for different reasons. 

Yesterday another child got diagnosed. Another parent had to go through what we went through. 

My kids have a disease. 

There I said it. 

We were blessed to have three children. Two of them were blessed with Type One Diabetes. It sucks shit. It's everyday. No breaks. No holidays. And it's never going to go away. I could write pages about the stress,the lack of sleep, the fears, the heartache. And maybe I will. Just not today.

Today is about me not going there. Not going to the dark side. Not making an unnecessary trip for someone else. It's hard. I know what they're going through. Literally. No imagination needed. Been there, done that. Still doing it really. 

But that is their story, not mine. Their time of sadness, of struggle, of being overwhelmed while trying to learn a million things. Their path. Their shoes. And while I can be overwhelmingly sympathetic to what I know they are going through right now, I can't let it overpower me. I can't feel guilty for having a good day while someone else is having their worst. At least, I have to try. For my sake. For my own family's sake.

Today is a good day here. A normal day. A calm day. And I am grateful. 

No comments:

Post a Comment